matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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