if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize