He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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