god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
