i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
