Plan B is the new Plan A
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
