I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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