The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
