I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
