So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
