Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
