And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
