Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My life is pants optional.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
