before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
