he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
