it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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