I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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