Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
