the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
