My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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