You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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