Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
