Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
