Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
