hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
