I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
