She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize