This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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