Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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