My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
