i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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