1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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