do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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