i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't deserve a penis
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
