You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
