Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
