I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
