hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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