Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There r osticjed everywhere
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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