So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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