my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
