apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
