If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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