You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
