she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
vagina is talking i cant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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