So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
