dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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