So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
