Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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