If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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