i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
