Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
