Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize