Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
