I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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