Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
