She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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