I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
