i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
