I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
