well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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