okay pat passed out under dana's car
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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