It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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