Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
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