Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize