Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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