On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
