you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
