im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
