It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
