Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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