and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
