she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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