i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we're so committed to being not committed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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