we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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