i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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