My brain says no but my pants say off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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