He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
