Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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