Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
