I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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