Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
