Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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