At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
